The Path to Recovery

"Al-Anon Adult Children Are Guided by the Twelve Steps - Al-Anon's Twelve Steps provide a framework for our recovery--a "step-by-step" guide to a new, rewarding way of life for all families and friends of alcoholics."

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable.

We have come to understand that feelings of futility and frustration, as well as problems in our relationships, may be directly related to the effects of alcoholism on our childhoods. With this Step we acknowledge that we have been affected by alcoholism, and that the learned behaviors of our upbringings have caused our lives to be unmanageable.

Step Two: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Isolation, loneliness, and feelings of abandonment are often among the long-term effects of living with alcoholism. While we may not feel "insane," we recognize that our lives are not all we want them to be. Step Two gives us the calming assurance that we are not alone and that our lives can improve.

Step Three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

We find that if we really want recovery, we need to make this decision. As we acknowledge that our ways of doing things haven't worked, we learn to do something different by accepting our Higher Power's will.

Step Four: Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Whether we believe the message that we are inherently bad, flawed creatures or blameless victims, knowledge of self can be frightening. Step Four asks us to examine our own behavior and begin to learn about ourselves and who we really are. By examining our assets as well as our defects, we achieve a more complete image of ourselves.

Step Five: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human begin the exact nature of our wrongs.

"...Breaking through the shame and isolation of the disease of alcoholism together by sharing our true selves can be the beginnings of self-love."

Step Six: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Many of our defects may have begun as coping skills to protect us from the ravages of alcoholism. As we acknowledge that they are no longer useful--and often destructive--we begin using new tools to replace them. With Step Six, we embrace the idea not only that we can change, but also that we want to change.

Step Seven: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Step Eight: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Recovery involves looking realistically at ourselves, not at anyone else's actions or expectations. We reconcile with the idea that even when others were wrong, we often played some part in the situation. Certainly, we too belong on our list.

Step Nine: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

We are now ready to take the compassionate action the other Steps have been preparing us to do. We take Step Nine for ourselves, so that we may lift the burden of guilt and live as loving adults in the present instead of frightened, angry children lost in the past. We do so without expectation of how others will react to our amends. Whether they accept us or not is none of our business. We do, however, use our best judgement to determine whether or not making direct amends could do more harm than good.

Step Ten: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Applying what we have learned from the previous Steps encourages us to continue taking responsibility for ourselves and our actions. This Step is part of our maintenance plan for serenity and spiritual health. Having faced and cleared away the ugly debris of the past, we now seek ongoing growth. With daily "housekeeping," we recognize when we are wrong and now have the humility to admit it.

Step Eleven: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Step Eleven suggests we do this by both talking and listening to our Higher Power. Through this process, we learn to accept our Higher Power's will instead of focusing on our own.

Step Twelve: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

By working the first eleven Steps, we have admitted our limitations, formed a relationship with a Higher Power, examined ourselves, faced and let go of the past, and taken responsibility for ourselves. As a result, we have changed. We are no longer the people we were when we began. Our spiritual awakening may not have been dramatic or instant, but it has occured. As we have seen, recovery and working the Steps is a process--our awakening may have been very gradual. We are now ready to share our gratitude and growth with others, being there for them as they were there for us.