On Marriage

Blessings Friends,

I was reading through old journals and I came across these notes from church service I attend in LA back in the day. I took really detailed notes.  The pastors were a husband/wife team and they were teaching on marriage this particular Sunday. Reading these notes spoke to my heart and I am hoping they may be of help to your on your journey as well. 

Oasis – LA   8/13/06

If you are having a famine in your relationships, then you need to plant some seeds.  In other areas of your life as well.  

Genesis 26:1, 12 (26:1 And there was a famine in the land, beside the first famine that was in the days of Abraham.  And Issac went unto Abimelech king of Philistines unto Gerar. 26:12 Then Issac sowed in that land, and received in the same year an hundredfold: and the Lord blessed him.)

Relationships – There is no condemnation to those who are in Jesus Christ.  Let the past go and begin today.  All marriages go through difficult times.  An unhappy marriage is better than divorce.  Usually, if you stick it out, things will get better…

*Seven Deadly Sins of Relationships

1. Insecurity – You have to be secure with yourself.

2. Unrealistic expectations

3. Lack of Purpose

4. Not learning the Relationship Dance

5. Compromising your faith

6. Allowing affairs of the heart

7. Not handling conflicts or challenges correctly.

We need to give and take, room for the foundation to shake and move, but not fall down.  Conflicts arise and they can either help you grow stronger or they will destroy you.

Rules of Engagement

1. Stick to the point
2. Watch your words, don’t use always and never

Ephesians 4:29-32 (Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers)

We control the words of our mouth.  You have to hold back.  Words can’t be taken back, even if you apologize.  It can take years to heal from words that someone says to you.  We are kinder to strangers than we are to the person we’ve committed our lives to.

-Pick the right time and make sure there is enough time.

- Pick the right place and it’s not in front of other people.  Don’t have intense conflicts in front of your children either, unless you resolve it in front of them.

Not Negotiating the Marriage Table

You have to focus on the strengths in your spouse, not on the weaknesses.  Focus on what they bring to the table that is good.   

1Corinithians 12:12 (Truly the signs of an apostle were wrought among you in all patience, in signs, and wonders, and mighty deeds.)

The differences between us are not to separate us.

Key to Understanding a Man

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
2. Sometimes we’re not thinking about you.
3. Shopping – not fun.
4. Ask for what you want.
5. Men don’t care about shoes.
6. Things said in the past…stay in the past.
7. Talk during commercials.
8. If it itches, it will be scratched.

There are also sexual differences; there are seasons when one will want it more than the other.  Be careful when you talk about sex. Book: Sex, Men and God

Children are also at the marriage table, but they shouldn’t be the center of the home.  Children leave home eventually and then you are left with each other and you’ll have no relationship.  It teaches the children that the mother and father’s relationship is important and that they love each other.  The marriage can end up on the back burner.  Children should be a blessing to you, not to divide.

Genesis 2:24 (Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.) Get your children on a schedule so that you can have a life without your children.  The best thing you can do for your child is to love your spouse.

In-Laws – your parents shouldn’t have more influence than your spouse. 

You should also take vacations together.  You need to have time alone.

Aging parents – this will also affect your marriage.

Your past – if you have been hurt in the past, then she will be on a healing journey.  He may have been raised in a single parent home and that creates issues.  Then you have to deal with the people that we dated in the past, comparing…

Our work affects us, but it should never be at the expense of a marriage.  There are seasons when work will be crazy, but it should be kept at that, a season.

Christ & The Church should be at the marriage table. 

Psalm 92:12-14 (92:12 The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree: he shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon.)

We have to be planted in the house of God.  We have to be planted to flourish and we should be serving.  Be a part of a small group that will help your marriage grow.  It helps to connect with others and have support for your situation.

*Jesus is the most important person to have at the marriage table.  We have to be committed to Christ because He will be the one that sees us through.  We can love because He loves us.  When things get hard and you want to give up, it will be Jesus Christ that will teach us and guide us through.  He is our light.  He will make your relationships stronger.

May God richly bless you and your families. 

Love