Change

My Daily Affirmation read:

It only takes one person to change your life-you. --Ruth Casey

Change is not easy, but it's absolutely unavoidable. Doors will close. Barriers will surface. Frustrations will mount. Nothing stays the same forever, and it's such folly to wish otherwise. Growth accompanies positive change; determining to risk the outcome resulting from a changed behavior or attitude will enhance our self-perceptions. We will have moved forward; in every instance our lives will be influenced by making a change that only each of us can make.
We have all dreaded the changes we knew we had to make. Perhaps even now we fear some impending changes. Where might they take us? It’s difficult accepting that the outcome is not ours to control. Only the effort is ours. The solace is that positive changes, which we know are right for us and other people in our lives, are never going to take us astray. In fact, they are necessary for the smooth path just beyond this stumbling block.
When we are troubled by circumstances in our lives, a change is called for, a change that we must initiate. When we reflect on our recent as well as distant past, we will remember that the changes we most dreaded again and again have positively influenced our lives in untold ways.

--Change ushers in glad, not bad, tidings.

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I feel like a big change in my life is needed. At first I thought, I need to get away...and I started looking for rooms to rent and jobs in Seattle. While that would be fun and all, I have now come to accept that the change has to come from within, it's not a change of scenery that I need. Okay, of course I knew this but let me tell you I was trying to deny it like a mug!!! Ignore it is more like it, make myself believe that I can't change ME so I have to change scenery. Excuse my language, but what a BUNCH OF BULLSHIP! The truth is, I now realize, that I haven't TRIED to change. I mean, consciously make an effort to do something DIFFERENT than what I'm used to doing so that I can at least see if I get different results. Ya feel me? Well, this didn't come to me all on my own, sometimes it takes a tragedy or being brought very low for you to really begin to see yourself. And now I see and I see that my DECIDING not to change is causing me, and the ones I love a lot of pain. I have been suffering for so long and I'm getting worn out from it. My birthday just passed 5/10 and I am now 29 and happy about it! I hear that the 20's suck and I hope things will get better just from pure age alone. But I also know that I want better for myself and I'm willing to make some changes in my life to get it. Changing my THINKING is definitely first. Someone once told me, if you can't change the situation, change how you think about the situation. And boy does my mind need an overhaul. Negativity, hopelessness and confusion have taken over. I hear the devil wants to destroy me, gosh, I can't lie and say that it doesn't feel that way. But I also know that God is my source of strength. I also know that if I resist the devil, he will flee from me. That's what I haven't been doing...I just go right along with his little plan to bring me low...I don't even try and fight back. Well, now I'm ready to fight. I believe prayer is the first step. I can continue to lie to myself and say, "oh, you just need to read these books and see this therapist and get on this medication and start exercising and get involved..." yeah those things are good and dandy, but I know that the one thing that I'm LAZY about, is prayer. Genuine, sincere prayer that cleanses your soul and relieves your burdens and not only that, but it provides light and direction. It's amazing how it works!

Anyways, I didn't think I had anything to say, but I guess I did. Well, I'm off to go finish changing. A line in a song I listened to yesterday said, "your mind controls your behavior". And that is why we need to renew our minds. RENEW!! Can not continue with the old way of thinking or else you will keep BEHAVING in the same way. I want to CHANGE!!!!!