Stability

Well, it has been a while since I've written. I haven't been in a writing mood lately, not really sure what to write about. But I guess I have to just get back in and let it flow. Hmmm...Ummm...well...things are going good. What?? Is that the best I can do? Let me see...

I guess the main thing that's been going on with me is learning patience and practicing to be aware of and regulate my emotions.

Oh oh and one thing that I've noticed lately is that I have a problem with just staying put for long periods of time. (I'm good at getting into and out of a situation, but not staying in one.) Now that I am in a stable environment, it just seems like I need to be getting up and moving, leaving, going somewhere. But there is no reason for it, except that I get restless. And I relate this to moving so many times in my childhood. Never having stability and security as a child, I am assuming, makes me want to recreate that experience for myself as an adult. Things can be perfectly fine with me and my mate, my job, my home environment and I will just create drama out of thin air! Crying spells and frustration appear as soon as I notice that everything is calm and actually quite good. Most times I don't even truly understand what I'm crying about!

It was amazing to watch myself go through this process. I had to say to myself, "Mieko, I can see you, I see what you are doing!" And I had to calm myself back down, allow the emotions their time and space to be released and then settle back in to peace and stability.

It's mind blowing to think of the torturous cycles that I will allow myself to go through when I'm not aware of my thinking process, behavior and actions. I am content where I am in my life. I am thankful and I don't have anywhere to go but here. I am here. I am where I am suppose to be.

That's all I have for now.